City Of Pittsburgh Declares War On Cleveland

Pittsburgh woke up to a new reality today after learning that it is now officially at war with the nearby city of Cleveland. Though a low-level conflict between the two cities has existed for decades, forces of moderation on both sides prevented it from escalating into a full-blown war. But that all changed near the end of the Steelers versus Browns matchup on Thursday night.

“Yinz don’t hit our quarterback with a helmet without consequences, n’at.”

Mayor Peduto has called for a state of ‘total war’, in which every possible resource is brought to bear to defeat the enemy.

“We will grind the Mistake-On-The-Lake into dust, and resettle it in our own image with Primanti’s and bike lanes.”

Though Pittsburgh compares favorably in terms of conventional forces, there are concerns that a ‘fifth column’ loyal to Cleveland may already be present here. City residents are asked to be on the lookout for anyone trying ‘too hard’ to appear like a local and to turn them in to authorities.

“Or just throw them on a passing barge destined for the Mississippi.”

A ground invasion is expected to difficult for Cleveland due to the large number of tunnels and bridges that would need to be taken, though they may be left undefended due to Pittsburghers’ innate fear of them.

“We must overcome our private demons if we are to prevail in this existential struggle.”

An initial plan to install tank traps on streets downtown to help defend the Golden Triangle was abandoned when City officials realized they were not necessary.

“The sinkholes will swallow them up.”

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68 Comments on "City Of Pittsburgh Declares War On Cleveland"

  1. Christopher Kent | March 21, 2023 at 1:04 pm | Reply

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  5. Pittsburgh doesn’t want a war it’s a loosing battle they can’t win cleveland finally we got a decent team played way way way more physical than them and they couldn’t take it. We took the years of the AB stomp(no suspension) illegal hits by Harrison (nothing done) and we all took it with a grain of salt now there classless fans whine, complain and act like big Vagina’s and want to fight browns fans over it well if it’s a full blown WAR you want you finally got it quit hiding and talking shit we took it for years laughed it off now you get an ass kicking on both sides of the ball you all cry and bitch over it. Don’t sing it bring Karma is a bitch and you see your future without a franchise QB. The streets are wide open puss bags 😂😂😂

  6. Don’t you have to be able to spell “war” before you can declare it?

    (Yes, I’m aware this article is satire.)

  7. I don’t know which is more entertaining, the stories on Breakingburgh or the idiots who don’t understand what SATIRE is. The comments from the people who take it as a real article are hilarious in their ignorance. At least those of us from Cincy can appreciate a great site – even if it is from Pittsburgh (a beautiful city btw – love the inclines!)

  8. Wow. Shitsburgh squeelers, what’s wrong.. The dawgs bit your asses for the first time in 5 years and your fans and team can’t handle it? Atleast browns fans and the mayor has class and doesn’t start shit.. Like declaring war?? Just like Rudolph the brown nosed pussy quarterback.. instigates it then will run his mouth after we beat your asses again. Poor ass losers.. And BTW Shitsburgh, we are a new team and already beat your ass.. So get prepared, because we are just getting started!!

    • Wow … totally classless rant by a Clevelander ?? Say it ain’t so. 🤣🤣 dont take life to seriously “Bob” and “Shitsburgh” really ?? Smh… back to the double wide you go.

  9. The steelers are a no hood team ya they got rings but put them I a field against the bowls with just stree clothes and let them fight and see who wins sure not the strelease cheerleaders

  10. As much as I can’t stand the Steelers, and believe me I can not stand the Steelers, Ben Rothlosburger would have never assaulted another player on an opposing team. He also would have never called him a “n-word” either. Pittsburg has shown the least amount of class since their inception into the NFL. And that tradition will continue.

  11. Trying to be as fair as I can… Rudolph is an idiot ! Go after a beast like Myles.. even Ben smarter than that !

  12. Hey asshole steeler fans, football didn’t start in the 70’s. Good luck catching out 8 titles to your 6. Bunch of inbred, toothless, knuckledragging sister humping assholes.

  13. Screw them were the ones coming there with a vengeance . After they dished out the one-sided unfair penalties our browns should be livid . All I can say Shitsburgh is maybe you should watch what you wished for you might be sorry what you get in return. You cost us our best defensive player for the year after your punk QB started it all .Watch out now were pissed .

  14. Ok everyone… let’s all count to six and calm down😏

  15. This is the dumbest shit of ever read

  16. If shitburgh want a war then I say NUKE’EM

  17. What a Jackass. Mayor of Shitsburgh. Get a life

  18. Stop crying like the bitches you are!!! No MORE bullying this way! Welcome to the new age!!! We knocking your heads and tooth out!!! Pussy asses! DAWG POUND FOR LIFE!!!strap on your panties and stop fucking crying!!!

  19. Bunch of Yinzers drinking Rolling Cock and Squeal City pisswater and bitching and moaning about someone finally doing unto them as the Squealers have been doing to EVERYONE for years. Once a decade a Browns player rises up and pulls a Turkey Jones on them and their balls shrivel into their vaginas and try to call us the bad guys. Strap on your shittin’ pants, Squealers fans, because on Dec 1, you will be shittin’ your pants. ‘Nuff said.

  20. Lol fuck Pittyburgh the whole city act like some cornball bitches!!!…we bout 2 come up there and beat y’all softbatch cookie built asses up and down all 3 of them filthy ass rivers…Y’all city like nuts that’s why Gayson Mason tried to attack Myles nuts😂😂😂😂

  21. Browns fans are the worst good job winning your personal super bowl again ha a beat up team y’all act like yo beat someone of worth if Steelers were not down to practice squad the would been different celibate now the blood bath is coming

    • Huh? Is that some secret Pittsburgh language?

    • Here’s another Cry baby bitch that knows nothing about sports no you weren’t down to practice squad players. Your defense was in full effect and we dominated you bitch’s on both sides of the ball but never can you assholes ever give us credit for playing good. Most my friend are Steeler fans I call it like I see it Ben is a hall of fame QB, your defense is the best you e fielded in many years every since you picked up Minkah he’s amazing. Bit you fucks always got to talk shit, down grade us and when you lose it’s excuses and crying. I’d love to meet some of you fuckers on the street you all need a good ass whooping

  22. Hey Shitsburg for Christmas y’all need to ask Santa for your 2 front teeth and some damn glasses so you can watch the replay again! Oh and your coach is a sissy saying his players did nothing wrong!

  23. clowns fans can suck a dick . your last two win vs the Steelers have been when the Steelers have their back q.b. in the game . Garretts a bitch 300 plus lbs and has to use a weapon on a young kid not to mention a q.b. that’s a punk bitch . If clowns fan runs their mouth to me face to face that bitch better have a helmet in his hands he will need it . Funny thing is that will be the last time Garrett puts on or takes off a helmet so who won now bitches lmao . if you think that was a ass whipping then you have not seen a real ass kicking because mason walk away I kick someone ass they stay down period . And im a OHIO STEELERS FAN BABY SINCE 1967 FUCK THE CLOWNS AND BENGALS ….

    • Oh my we’re so scared! Fuck Shitsburg!
      Go Dawgs

    • Get out of Ohio you inbred fucking bitch. Go enjoy the bag of dicks sent to mason and the rest of your cock blowing team. Y’all are bunch of fucking pussies lol gonna be fucking hilarious when your team and fans get fucked up again on your own turf. Fucking cry baby bitches

    • Let’s see. 1. Myles isn’t over 300 lbs, 2. The fact Mason is a QB is irrelevant to the point you’re attempting to make. And adding that in makes you sound like a cry baby. 3. Mason didn’t walk away he both initiated the fight then after his lineman separated them and were holding Myles he ran in to further it along. So basically your entire comment makes you sound ignorant. But hey thanks for playing!

    • Move to Pennsylvania.

    • Her use to having back up WB’s cause Ben is washed up and at the end of his career. So once he retires are the excuses going to be you don’t have a QB? Your shit talking mother fucker I’d like to meet up with also I am from PA and love in Ohio also let’s meet up I won’t need my football helmet bitch

  24. Mason is a pansy!!! He started it, we finished! You all are nothing but sore f#%&%## losers!!! GO CLEVELAND!!!!!!!

  25. What is a yinz ? Does pissburgh speak in their own language? Keep drinking that filthy dirty 3 river water pissburgh.

  26. If Pittsburgh couldnt see all the instigation Rudolph kicking trying to pull Garretts helmet off etc.. and Rudolph charging Garrett after his helmet was off ” dumb move ” .. If they couldnt see this their not going to notice a browns fan walking down the street in a Myles Garrett Jersey ” NO WORRIES ” !!

  27. Dawgs can bite through anything! So piss off Pittsburgh!

  28. Pittsburgh is declaring war on us! Quick, everyone … WALK FOR YOUR LIVES!

    Wait, any missiles or bombs would just get intercepted anyway. Carry on.

  29. What was the final score of that game in Cleveland?

  30. You mean, Garret was NOT helping Rudolph put his helmet back on ?

  31. Mason didn’t start anything, apparently clowns fans don’t know how to watch tape or can’t see cuz they won their “Superbowl” by besting us and our Qb. He didn’t knee him, Garrett is a low life pos that kept going after the whistle and them committed assault on national tv #stayclasslesscleveland

    • Your a complete idiot who obviously doesn’t have much common sense. He clearly started it by trying to rip Garrett’s helmet off

    • Bahahahahahahahahaha. Lame. Salty. Triggered.

    • You’re right. Rudolph totally didn’t try to yank his helmet off, scream vulgarities, chase after him from behind two bigger guys, kick him in the babymaker, and then cry ‘bush league’. #classlesswbeats4INTsAnyday

      And, for your information, Rudolph kept going after the whistle as well and, in fact, was going -first-. No ref called the play for unnecessary roughness or roughing the passer, Rudolph got his panties in a bunch and tried picking a fight with a guy who could annihilate him. Sounds like Darwinism to me.

      If the guy could have completed a pass to anyone, even the damned hot dog vendor, maybe he would have acted more professional. Alas …

  32. Rudolph is a twat… He went after Garrett’s nuts… If that doesn’t warrant a hit in the head then what does? He was upset that he got his ass handed to him the whole game… Rudolph is a NOTHING fuckbag.

  33. Eat a bag of baby dicks…fuckin shit bag low life Steelers. We ain’t getting bullied no more.

  34. Watch the tape idiots! If someone is dragging me around by my facemask I’m kicking him in the nuts too!

  35. Oh please! You dirty ball players are now crying like a bunch of babies cuz you lost. The last 8 seconds was wrong and Garrett is being punished but your baby ass QB caused it. Piss off.

  36. ThE STILLERS fan base is the State of WV. Bunch of toothless methhead hillbillies

  37. You can’t understand them because most of them are missing teeth.

  38. Yinz r askin get trubbl Dahntahn Picksbarg!

  39. So obviously Pittsburgh can’t SEE that Rudolph started and provoked the incident! They should all be kicked in the groin and told to walk away without retaliation.
    Yes, Garrett should not have used a helmet. He will face those consequences.
    Your quarterback is not God. He should also be disciplined for his actions.

  40. Mark Ira Kaufman | November 20, 2019 at 5:57 am | Reply

    Don’t they sell decaf in Pittsburgh?

  41. Just like shitsburgh a bunch of cry baby talk bullshit that only douche bags can read. Real people dont understand it

  42. Shitsburgh can dish it out, but can’t take it

  43. What? Speak English Pittsburg!

  44. For fuck sake, I have no idea what any of those Steeler fan quotes mean. Lol

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