Clinton Stops By To Remind Pittsburgh She’s Not The Orange-Haired Idiotic One

Image credit: adapted from File:Dlcc.jpg by Dmuth via Commons license CC BY-SA 3.0.

The Hillary Clinton campaign stopped in Pittsburgh for a rally at the David Lawrence Convention Center just two days after she accepted her historic nomination.

Though the whistle-stop tour across Pennsylvania and Ohio is nominally about jobs, Clinton was more concerned about making sure Pittsburghers who hadn’t been paying much attention to the campaigns knew who was who – especially as Donald Trump had been in the same building just weeks beforehand.

“I’m not the one with orange hair, and I promise not to dye it orange over the next few months to keep it easy for you.”

Clinton emphasized that voters could also tell them apart by what they said.

“I’m not the one who said they could shoot people in street and my popularity would only grow. I’m known as a hawk on defense, sure, but shooting people in the streets to get more votes is not my bag at all.”

The Democratic candidate said there were plenty of other ways to tell them apart.

“I don’t hate women – which is a good thing since, despite being a Presidential nominee, I am one!”

She then introduced her running mate Tim Kaine, who she assured the crowd was different from Mike Pence, even if their names both sounded like the protagonist of a Lee Child paperback.

“P.S. I also know that Joe Paterno is dead – unlike my opponent.”

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