Cockroaches Prepare For New Role As Globe’s Dominant Species

Don’t be surprised to witness the rare sight of cockroaches operating in open daylight soon say leading entomologists, as the 320 million-year-old insects furiously organize themselves in preparation for their impending responsibility as the world’s highest form of life.

“There have been a few false alarms like the Black Death, the Cuban missile crisis, and the early 1980s, but their behavior suggests they know this time ‘it’s real’. This was always their destiny due to their unique radiation resistance and immunity to disease but it must still be a shock for them to know it’s finally happening.”

Despite most cockroaches being taken by surprise, those residing in the walls of the White House had an inkling.

“Remember they’ve been there through all the private phone calls and late night rants at the television, so they would have known before anyone else that their time had finally come with World War III a constant possibility and Mike Pence in charge of handling global pandemics.”

Though entomologists say the future of terrestrial life is in good feelers, they do have some concerns.

“They are a gregarious social species that exercise collective decision-making to locate food. However radiation exposure and other hardships, while not killing them, might so distort them that they become hateful and divisive, which an unscrupulous dominant cockroach could exploit to set himself up as a grotesque insect pseudo-monarch.”

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