Reports of the catastrophic consequences of ignoring climate change have been dismissed  by the planet’s cockroach population as unnecessary fear-mongering by scientists working on behalf of the United Nations.

“So the temperature rises by a few degrees? No biggie!”

They compare the current levels of hysteria to that in the 1960s and 1980s over the very real possibility of a global thermonuclear exchange.

“Like then this is just one of those things you simply deal with if it happens.”

At the very worst, they say, you might have to find a rock crevice to hang out in for a few hundred generations.

“Unless there is news of an increase in boric acid production, don’t bother us with all these petty concerns.”