Company That Makes Corona Beer Downgrades Sales Forecast Citing ‘Indescribable stupidity of consumers’

Constellation Brands – the company that brews Corona Light and Corona Export beer – has lowered performance expectations for the next quarter, citing unusual market conditions and that fact that 38% of the American public are dumber that a wooden log that’s made fun of by all the other logs for being so incredibly dense.

“Perhaps these people who suddenly won’t buy our product shouldn’t be allowed to drink any beer at all given that they are obviously already severely impaired.”

They also advised that their headquarters are under exceptional strain because of the greatly increased volume of calls to customer service.

“A lot of people are asking us how to use a lime to make their coronavirus infection better. Hopefully they are among the two percent that die as Darwin intended.”

Meanwhile consumers with brain cells who are enjoying hugely discounted Coronas are hoping for a new outbreak.

“A Sierra Nevada virus would really hit the spot right now.”

Help a poor hardworking satire site out –

5 Comments on "Company That Makes Corona Beer Downgrades Sales Forecast Citing ‘Indescribable stupidity of consumers’"

  1. ZRich Lieberman | November 15, 2021 at 9:15 pm | Reply

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  2. Rich Lieberman Free Malt Liquor at Chester Chicken at my Chester Chicken if you say I am married to Jan Wahl if my BLN omeboys o4 home girls can remember it and say it in cohernt english one is one me.

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  3. Charles Hicks | August 1, 2020 at 3:42 am | Reply

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  4. CharlesHicks | July 26, 2020 at 11:29 pm | Reply

    Those boneheads. Free Corona on me just look me up in Empherata PA main street and it one me.

    Lime on request .

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  5. Unfortunately it’s that 2% that have no difficulty in reproducing.

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