[Springfield, VA] The Drug Enforcement Agency has announced that it intends to reclassify cannabis, changing it’s designation from a Schedule I controlled substance to a cooking spice.

“Just to be clear we don’t mean SPICE – as in the highly dangerous and still illegal synthetic marijuana product also known as K2 – but ‘a spice’ like oregano, which is what a lot of first-time buyers end up smoking anyway.”

The move is a recognition of changing times, with the drug already having been legalized in many states.

“Finally we will no longer have to defend it being in the same class as heroin, which made us look like freaking idiots!”

People will be also encouraged to grow it at home if they like, just like they already do with basil and cilantro. When asked if there would a limit on how much could be grown for personal use, the DEA spokesperson wasn’t entirely sure.

“Whatever the legal limit for home-growing parsley is, I suppose.”