Defense Industry Introduces M1 Abrams “Protector” For Use In Schools

With events having shown that even trained armed deputies are insufficient to tackle the threat to our schools, the Defense Industry has stepped forward with the solution.

“No classroom should be without this tank.”

Based on the M1 Abrams that is the main battletank of the US Armed Forces, the Protector is being touted as the weapon teachers need to be armed with to ensure they have the tactical advantage.

“Since shooters have the advantage of surprise and banning AR-15s is obviously ridiculous, having a significantly superior weapon at your disposal is essential.”

It is not intended for all teachers, but only those who have the proper skills to operate it.

“We recommend choosing teachers who perviously served in armored units, or have a manual transmission on their early 2000s Toyota Corollas.”

In the event of an active school shooter situation, the teacher simply picks three students to complete the crew, and takes out the assailant by firing its breech-loaded M1028 120 mm anti-personnel canister cartridges.

“Don’t worry about room sweeps as you can now take out the shooter through 2 or even 3 walls.”

The Protector comes with attachments for slides in the elementary school version and has non porous surfaces that can easily be wiped down.

“The 120 mm smoothbore gun barrel also makes a great substitute for monkey bars when not in use.”

2 Comments on "Defense Industry Introduces M1 Abrams “Protector” For Use In Schools"

  1. I always wanted one of these for my drive to work!

  2. I usually am a very big fan of Gulliver’s posts — but somehow, not this one.
    Don’t worry, Gulliver, I’m sure ur next one will be brilliant and hilarious.

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