For Shaler resident Eric Shiffer, Valentine’s Day is a time of many hardships. But nothing poses a challenge quite like that of picking a suitable Valentine’s Day Card. Like many of his kind, the right card must satisfy a complex set of requirements, including but not limited to:
No religious connotations.
No cute animals.
No hint of commitment.
No hint of lack of commitment.
Under two dollars.
Finding one with acceptable verse, Eric explains, is hard to reduce to a formulaic set of criteria. Revisiting the same stores over and over is essential, as cross referencing is a critical part of the process.
He advises against opting for a blank card, which at one time he considered the perfect solution – until it all went horribly wrong.
“Since they’re your own words, they can be mined for insight into your true feelings in a way store-bought prose cannot.”
The good news, says Eric, is that with enough time and effort the perfect card can be found – one that says all the right things without really saying anything at all.
“They should really have a dedicated section for the particular type of card I and people like me seek.”