After another tempestuous day on Wall Street in which the Dow Jones Industrial Average veered violently in one direction then the other, the venerated stock index finally confirmed what many had suspected, that it had previously pegged itself to the President’s mood.

“Hence the wild oscillations with no apparent rhyme nor reason.”

By confirming the switch, which is being described as the biggest thing to happen in the world of finance since the dropping of the gold standard, analysts say they can now make some confident predictions despite all the chaos.

“We expect a lot of volatility on Saturday nights, and a bull market anytime the President visits West Virginia.”

Despite a tendency to be optimistic, especially when the Republicans are in change, their long-term outlook for the Trump-pegged Dow Jones index was not good.

“I think we all know it’s heading for an almighty crash.”