Downtown Protesters Defend Little-Known Constitutional Right Of Viruses To Replicate Freely

NEWSBRIEF: Protesters assembled in front of the County-City building today to protest restrictions aimed at limiting the free movement of viruses, which they say is unconstitutional. Many openly displayed firearms in a gesture suggesting they would lay down their lives to defend the freedoms of viruses if necessary. A spokesperson representing viruses agreed they may well end up laying down their lives, but not in the way they think. The rally also served as a formal meeting of the Pittsburgh chapter of the National Organization for the Rights of Small Brain and Small Phallus owners (NORSBSPO).

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