As President Trump considers when to relax social distancing rules – a decision he says will be the biggest of his life – trusted expert Dr. Fauci has warned him against re-opening the economy or his mouth in the near future.

“No good can come of re-opening either of those things at this time.”

Fauci said any rush to re-open the US economy could lead to the loss of present gains and would invite a dangerous second wave of COVID-19 infections.

“And a re-opening of your mouth would also cause terrible damage, as all our models as well as the experience of the last four years predicts.”

Fauci suggests keeping the pressure on through clear guidance and enforcement as necessary to ensure his social distancing recomendations are followed.

“And as for your mouth, some sturdy wire and some kind of BDSM gimp helmet should do the trick.”

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