A local DSM-5 manual – full title of which is The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition – has suffered fatal damage after catching fire during a free-wheeling press conference by President Trump that was playing on a TV in a waiting room nearby.

Licensed psychiatrist Dr Pricilla J. Spence, MD – who owned the manual before its demise – described the moments prior to its tragic self-immolation.

“It had certainly been struggling recently and was probably overworked. Honestly I think it just gave up.”

Other medical professionals described similar phenomena, with their DSM-5 copies mysteriously finding their way into trash cans and gas-fired boilers.

“I guess the DSM-5 finally met its match and decided to call it a day.”

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) – which publishes the reference work – confirmed it’s rushing out an updated DSM-6 edition to deal with the new level of crazy as soon as possible.