‘Dumpster Pool Masterclass’ A Big Hit At Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers Regatta

Pool delivery.

The spotlight may be on F1 speedboats, 90s’ indie rockers Better Than Ezra & Gin Blossoms, and the Prince Fireworks tribute set to close the event, but organizers of Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers Regatta say there’s a clear favorite this year.

“Dumpster Pool instruction is the surprise hit this summer.”

The popular masterclass is being taught on the North Shore during the festival by a group of experienced Dumpster Pool aficionadas from Philadelphia, where the practice originated.

“Unfortunately authorities back East are cracking down, but we feel Pittsburgh will be much more receptive to our craft.”

Though most people were delighted to learn how to make summer even more fun and refreshing, some local residents are angry Pittsburghers didn’t think up the concept of dumpster pools themselves.

“Aw kawnt believe we daw’nt think of dat awe-salves. Go Stillers!”

We asked for a sneak peak of some of the wisdom that will be imparted during the festival and head instructor ‘Frankie C.’ of South Philly was happy to oblige.

“Basically yous obtain a dumpster, fills it with water – or H2O if we’re being technical – and swim in it. Obviously there’s a lot more to it involving hydrant pressure and circumventing local regulations so be sure to attend the demonstration this weekend. Go Eagles!”

Organizers say Dumpster Pool instruction will take place throughout the Regatta near the Jerome Bettis Grille on the North Shore following each jet ski stunt demonstration.

“This is a must if you want to learn how to turn a construction-grade waste receptacle and the water that would save your life in the event of fire emergency into a summertime treat.”

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