As the government shutdown over funding a border wall continues, workers are now missing their first paychecks. But, on the bright side, the environment today announced it would cease being damaged until such time as the situation is resolved.
“Obviously there are important issues at stake for the government to be shutdown, so I have decided to cease being adversely affected by greenhouse gases and pollution until the situation is resolved.”
The environment’s decision was based on the fact that numerous government agencies and studies concerning climate change were being affected by the shutdown, together with the National Parks being unprotected.
“Research into the causes of my destruction could be delayed by a year of more because of this, so it is only fair to the scientists involved that I halt the thermodynamic and biological processes responsible for the same period.”
In related news, an emerging pathogenic virus said it was halting its replication until the shutdown is over as well.