NIAID Director Dr. Anthony Fauci finally conceded his is a giant fraud today, and that all the accusations made about him by the right are 100% correct.

“Back in high school in the 1950s I had a dream, but it was not to cure diseases and improve the lot of humankind – because that’s dumb. My dream was to toil away in science so that 60 years later I could humiliate some Trump supporters by making them sport silly masks below their noses or at least have to wear a bandana the wrong way.”

Though, objectively speaking, Fauci achieved his dream in many regards, he explains it’s not that simple. He wanted so much more but didn’t realize how clever the intended targets of his pranking were.

“I failed to anticipate how wise those rednecks would be to my decades-in-the-making ruse and how they would simply refuse to go along, despite my getting the CDC and the vast majority of the world’s health professionals to help me achieve my boyhood dream.”

He still plans to get them, though, by pressuring them into getting a vaccine that supposedly provides protection against a raging global pandemic.

“The joke will be on them because all it does is make you shed farts! #FauciLifetimeGoalRealized”

HELP KEEP THE SATIRE COMING!