As she faces her sentance for her part in the college admissions scandal, actor Felicity Huffman expressed regret today that she did not take a more law-abiding approach to ensuring her child succeeded academically.

“If only I’d invested in a record player instead!”

Together with Lori Loughlin, the pair can only imagine how much easier life would be if they would have taken Joe Biden’s tip for turning your chid into a genius.

“Unfortunately we only learned about this recently while watching the debate.”

However some childhood development experts say the Biden method may not have worked in their case.

“If you listen carefully, the former Vice President suggests it may only work for black children.”

Mocking Biden’s advice, Trump administration member Wilbur Ross said the whole idea was plain stupid.

“Listening to a new-fangled record player won’t help your child’s learning – only a wax clyinder will do that!”