(Philadelphia, PA) Exhausted Philly fans got a welcome boost today when they learned that the Federal Emergency Management Agency would be taking over organizing the forthcoming Eagles victory parade in their city after a terrible disaster struck late last night.
“It must seem so unfair for this to happen at what should be such a happy time.”
FEMA head administrator Brock Long said his agency was ready and willing to move in and prepare the city for the upcoming celebration.
“First we need to get in there and clear the bodies and the debris.”
As they are limited in what they can do by themselves, FEMA has put out an urgent call for critical supplies currently only available in very limited quantities.
“Light poles. We need light poles.”
Sadly, they were too late to save the Liberty Bell, which has reportedly suffered irreparable damage at the hands of the unrelenting catastrophe.
“There’s a big crack in it. Mother nature can sure be cruel sometimes.”