(Orlando, FL) Guests at the Hyatt Regency Orlando, where the
2021 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is being held, were concerned this morning to find a large fiery portal hovering in the sky outside their windows. However hotel staff say there is absolutely nothing to worry about as the blazing conduit to the Underworld does not pose a threat to them.
“It’s only there because the Devil is stopping by to hear Trump speak – and not so he can cast your souls into the Eternal Lake of Fire or anything like that.”
Conference organizers originally assumed the Prince of Darkness would arrive using a more conventional mode of transportation, but he insisted on doing things his way.
“We offered to arrange for an Uber to pick him up from the airport, but he said ripping a fiery anus in the fabric of spacetime was more convenient.”
Already impressed to see the rampant idolatry taking place, the Devil regrets not arriving earlier.
“Can’t believe I missed Kimberly Guilfoyle’s entrance – I heard it was a class act!”
The Devil said he hopes to get a chance to talk to the former President, though he understands at lot of people will be vying for Trump’s attention so nothing is guaranteed.
“I think I’m in with a good chance, though, as I have a personal message to pass on from his good friend Rush Limbaugh.”