Cinephile Derek Winters – who took a number of film studies classes while studying at the University of Pittsburgh, though it was not his formal major so he has a job – has a serious beef with Nicholas Cage. He believes he is not the only connoisseur of the silver screen who suffers from having Mister Cage repeatedly thrust upon him against his will.

“I get so mad when I think of all the fine actors out there not getting work while he is making multiple big budget features every single year.”

Derek – whose personal tastes tend towards French New Wave and the work of Gaspar Noe and Pawel Podolski – laments the state of American cinema in which an ‘actor’ [sic: his finger quotes] like Cage not only survives, but actively thrives.

“I don’t know how many times I’ve gone to a movie theatre to see something that sounded interesting based on the title only to find, once the credits start rolling, that it stars him. Of course, I’ve already paid my $9 at that point so I stay and watch it, but I try to pretend it’s Liev Schreiber or Christopher Lambert instead.”

Derek is in a good position to criticize Cage’s especially hoary performance in Face/Off as he saw it on an IMAX screen because a friend he felt indebted to insisted, as well as in the comfort of his home some months later.

“I popped in a random DVD one night and there he was again opposite John Travolta! I guess someone must have given it me as a joke present because everyone knows how much I can’t stand him. I should really throw it out because the same mistake keeps happening over and over. Just like with The Rock and Con Air.”

Derek was housebound with a broken leg when National Treasure came out in theatres in 2004, but when he subsequently stumbled across it on cable TV, he knew he was done with Cage almost for good.

“I had to give up after 131 minutes – it was just so awful.”

On hearing that Cage will be appearing in multiple movies this year which are already in pre-production – including USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage directed by Mario Van Peebles – Derek’s disgust is palpable.

“I, for one, will not be watching.”

He then left to check IMDB to see when it would be released in his area.