There were dramatic scenes at the White House today as First Lady Melania Trump was taken into custody on a charge of High Treason against the United States. The punishment for the crime if found guilty is death by hanging.
The President was taken by surprise at first, as he had not explicitly demanded that his wife be arrested, but he soon learned it was implicit in his orders.
“Mister President, you indicated that those who express disapproval of you using their hands and in other myriad ways be charged with treason.”
Trump accepted that he had so ordered, and that the most flagrant transgressor was indeed the First Lady.
She will be entitled to a trial and is to be defended by famed litigator Alan Dershowitz.
He plans to mount a robust three-pronged defense of his client, arguing that her actions weren’t treasonous on the basis of:
(i) unlawful provocation with a pornstar
(ii) everyone else is doing it
(iii) seriously WTF?