The nation’s leading news media outlets has warned the public not to misinterpret the current lack of major news stories about what a basketcase Florida is.

“Just because we don’t have any mindblowing articles about how crazy Florida is at present doesn’t mean it’s not up to something. “

Some have blamed reporters for the current absence of tales that get to the heart of why Florida is the worst place on Earth.

“Obviously there are multiple insane things going on in Florida right now. The news outlets need to step up their game.”

Reporters, in their defense, said doing that would probably require them to go to Florida and spend some time there.

“You know what that place is like. We’re only human.”