(Rochester, New York) A seismic event caused minor damage in Rochester, New York, today with items falling off shelves and traffic being disrupted.
Though thought initially to be a small earthquake, the cause was eventually traced to the grave of famed abolitionist and orator Frederic Douglass, who was spinning in it so fast that vibrations could be felt over a mile away.
The unusual occurrence is believed to be due to President Trump crediting Douglass for “doing an amazing job”, words which could just as easily be applied to a contestant on The Apprentice – a show on which Douglass did not appear.
The area has already experienced disruptions as Susan B. Anthony is buried nearby, and has been constantly turning in her place of rest since November.
Drivers and residents are warned to expect constants rumblings for the next four years.