Giant Eagle Stores Confused Why Pittsburghers Aren’t Panic Buying “Yinz actually have a half-decent excuse for a change”

Managers of local Giant Eagle and Market District stores expressed surprised and confusion today at the lack of panic buyers stripping their store shelves of milk, bread, toilet paper, and cheap light beer.

“Are we not in Pittsburgh?”

They cite recent panic buys during the lightest of flurries as evidence Pittsburghers love nothing better than a mad unnecessary dash to the store to fill up the car with non-essential essentials. Yet at a time when individual Australians are buying enough toilet paper to sustain an army, they are seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

“Panic buying may still be an over-reaction, but with the coronavirus threat it’s not a completely insane response, so what gives?”

Psychologists speculate that, given the overall seriousness of the situation, area residents are behaving responsibly and not over-stressing supply chains unnecessairily or buying up masks that would be better used by healthcare workers and vulnerable populations.

“We never thought we’d see the day!”

1 Comment on "Giant Eagle Stores Confused Why Pittsburghers Aren’t Panic Buying “Yinz actually have a half-decent excuse for a change”"

  1. People still have to go to work. Kids still have to go to school. It’s a virus. Even though it may be a nasty flu virus, it’s not nuclear fallout. Maintaining universal precautions-washing hands frequently, covering coughs and sneezes, is the best thing to do. We can’t stop living our lives. Articles advising people to stock up on non perishable items is exploitation by the retailers. How is stocking up on toilet paper going to do anything to prevent the spread of the virus? Only thing that is good for is if the virus comes with a side effect of severe diarrhea.

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