In a double whammy for Catholics in the wake of the Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into priest sexual abuse, God today announced he has finalized the sale of the two-thousand-year-old religion to the Devil.
“This report really spiked its value in the Underworld so it was time.”
God said, despite the timing, really this is just the endpoint of a longstanding interest the Devil has held in the Catholic Church.
“He’s always had a stake in it, along with most of my Abrahamic religions.”
As for the long-term outlook, God plans to slowly divest himself of the rest of his existing religions so he can focus on a new start-up religion he has in mind.
“I’d be lying if I said the ones so far weren’t failures, but hopefully I have learned something along the way.”