A ruling by the Supreme Court in favor of a Christian baker who didn’t want to make cakes for same-sex weddings has been vacated by an even higher authority, the Almighty.
“Just bake the damn cake already.”
Citing his deistic omnipotence to establish authority over the nation’s highest court, God said the baker was duty-bound to respect his judgement as the final say on the matter.
“Unless your worship of me was just a cynical ruse to oppress others and push a right-wing agenda, in which case you can go crucify yourself.”
God reminded those that used the bible to justify their homophobia that it was best to check with him directly on his teachings rather than rely on interpretations of the scriptures.
“I also say not to plant more than one type of seed in a field, but we all know crop rotation is crucial to the environment.”
He confessed to going through some ‘crazy times’ back then where he didn’t know what he was saying.
“Bottom line – just stick with the general theme of peace and love.”