Google To Start Granting Degrees To Users Who Do Their Own Research

(Mountain View, CA) Alphabet Inc. [NASDAQ: GOOGL] – the parent company of Google – has announced plans to become an accredited degree-granting institution. CEO and inaugural Google University President Sundar Pichai explained that the company felt it was wrong that all the research conducted by individuals on its internet search platform go unacknowledged.

“Finally, all the fine people who do their own research instead of relying on doctors and scientists with established track records will now have formal credentials from Google U.”

Degrees will be automatically conferred by tracking users searches and resulting shares on social media. Beyond the basic Bachelors of Fake Science degree, there are higher degrees like the Masters in Meme Sharing and the PhD in Advanced Studies in Stupid available, though earning those will require more evidence of independent thinking like a moron, such as digging through pages of search results saying ivermectin is not a proven COVID treatment until you find the one link to Alex Jones’s site that says it works.

“It’s that kind of dedication to fitting search results to their predetermined narrative that distinguishes the internet scholars worthy of the highest honorific we can confer.”

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