Senior members of the Republican Party have been in contact with officials in the Kremlin seeking their advice on how best to conduct a show trial, given their extensive experience with the practice.

“Obviously in our case the foregone conclusion will be Not Guilty instead.”

Though Mitch McConnell believes his party is up to the task of conducting a sham trial in the Senate with the verdict predetermined, he says it’s best to get input from the experts in this area.

“Plus they have a vested interest in this too.”

McConnell wants to ensure the American public gets the best show trial possible, and he definitely doesn’t want to be seen to be ‘egging it’.

“The Russians have already given me some great pointers to pass on to Lindsey Graham, whom they regard as a rank amateur.”

There was laughter all round when the Russians moved on to the best methods of execution, after they forgot this was a show trial to let a guilty person off the hook and not the other way around.

“Our apologies – the old habits die hard!”

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