GOP Reportedly Making Plans In Case Trump Drops Out Or Down An Uncovered Manhole

Image credit: adapted from 'Open manhole' by Infrogmation via Commons license CC BY-SA 3.0.

Reince Priebus, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, admitted today that he and other high-ranking members of the GOP are holding meetings to consider the way forward if Trump were somehow to no longer be their nominee.

Priebus says there are simply being prudent since Trump is a highly unconventional politician who may choose to drop out of the race at the last minute.

“We can’t rule it out. And who knows? Even if he doesn’t drop out of his own accord, he could still drop to his death in any number of ways which the same ultimate consequences for the race.”

Priebus went on to wistfully list all the dangerous things advance staff need to watch out for to avoid harming coming to speechmakers – things like open manholes, poorly lit unexpected steps, and shoddily constructed temporary stages. He then developed an acute case of twitching in his right eye.

Paul Ryan also had concerns that they need to be prepared for the unexpected.

“In some countries politicians get shot dead all the time. It’s even happened here – remember the 1960s? Hmmm. I really think someone should bring back the spirit of the 60s. The free love part is all that I’m referring to, of course. Though who am I to cherry-pick for everyone else?”

Finally Senator John McCain arrived and posited an even more specific scenario.

“What if a really pissed-off veteran had a vivid flashback and in his temporarily-induced insanity blew the head of whomever was nearby and that person just happened to be our nominee.”

McCain went on to explain how this could happen, with this unnamed veteran in their brief moment of delirium mistaking Trump for their cruel torturer from decades earlier. He suggested they plan for this specific scenario, including seeking legal advice on whether the hypothetical shooter could avoid jail-time.

“It would obviously be a forgivable unfortunate accident due to PTSD and not be because anything Donald did – like joking about getting a purple heart – was the last straw.”

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