With the nation’s most recent mass shooting still fresh in everyone’s mind, the Republican Party has said enough is enough – it’s high time for comprehensive, properly enforced vagina control.
“This latest incidence of gun violence makes it clear that the current level of regulation is not near enough.”
They say it is unfortunate that there is a significant lobby of people who believe vaginas should be completely unregulated, with their owners allowed to use them as they wish.
“In some states people can do pretty much anything with their vagina that they want to!”
The party of Lincoln further warns that vaginas have proliferated in recent decades to the point that they are a problem everywhere now – from corporate boardrooms to the Supreme Court – and a concerted effort will be necessary to curtail their harmful effects.
“Anyone who wants to keep their vagina will be put through strict background checks and a psychological evaluation before being allowed to assume any position of responsibility.”
In addition, they want Federal measures to ensure that anyone who is careless with their vagina is subject to a stiff 18 year penalty of raising a child they neither want nor can afford.
“Hopefully this punishment will act as a deterrent, unlike the failed policies of vagina use education being pushed on our public schools.”
The GOP believes it is the right party to force this crucial legislation through.
“Just as you wouldn’t entrust drug enforcement to crack addicts, you obviously don’t want to entrust vagina control to people with vaginas. Fortunately the Republican Party has no shortage of people without vaginas who are passionately interested in regulating them.”