Grocery Stores At A Loss To Explain Plummeting Mushroom Sales

The nation’s leading grocery chains expressed utter confusion today at plummeting sales of mushrooms that are being left to rot on store shelves.

“Why does nobody like them anymore?”

Though preferences in vegetables are known to shift over time, it is highly unusual for sales to shift so quickly without an outbreak of food poisoning or something similarly unpleasant taking place.

“It’s suddenly as if no-one can bear the thought of a mushroom passing their lips.”

Nutritionists are also concerned as mushrooms are very good for you, and people may end up replacing them in their diet with something less healthy.

“We haven’t seen anything like this since the elder President Bush said he didn’t like broccoli. But President Trump hasn’t said he doesn’t like mushrooms so we just don’t get it.”

There is some speculation that renewed fears of a global nuclear war are behind the change.

“Something that frightening to think about would explain it.”

4 Comments on "Grocery Stores At A Loss To Explain Plummeting Mushroom Sales"

  1. Maybe there is just not enough bullshit being thrown in Washington to grow them properly! NOT

  2. Timothy Stanley | September 21, 2018 at 1:39 pm | Reply

    This may be a satirical site, but CRSPR gene editing has ruined store bought mushrooms. Is no one else paying attention? They edited out the gene that makes them go brown and slimy, for shelf life – but it also removed the taste and changed the texture. Store bought mushrooms have become awful. That’s your answer.

  3. mitchell bjerke | September 18, 2018 at 4:49 pm | Reply

    my guess is there are conflicting advice on eating raw versus cooked mushrooms.. this minor piece is likely enough to stop purchases.

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