MEDICAL BRIEF: Sources close to Gwyneth Paltrow say the lifestyle expert is very close to a cure for COVID-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus, and will be making it available for purchase in the near future. Stock analysts says details of the revolutionary cure are already starting to come out of the GOOP lab.
“We believe it will involve a special $500 Jade Egg and the vaginal canal.”
Though there is no news of an imminent cure for males afflicted with the disease, GOOP watchers expect that to change.
“If there’s a buck to be made I’m sure she’ll come up with an insertable to fleece them too.”
Perhaps all the women holding balls in their purses can donate one of them to Gwyneth for testing.
What about guys like me who don’t have a vagina?