Hawking’s Latest Pronouncement On Aliens: They’d Probably Like Cheez-Its

Stephen Hawking has been talking a lot about aliens, but one question he was asked recently – and his response – has not received the attention it deserves.

“What food would aliens like?”

He explained that extra-terrestrial life could be vastly different from that which we are familiar with, possibly using entirely different metabolic pathways, which means their consumption needs could have nothing in common with ours.

“But I bet they’d like Cheez-Its.”

Hawking believes the scrumptious toasted carbohydrate squares transcend ordinary foodstuffs in a way that suggests universal appeal. Aliens might even be better adapted to enjoy them, especially if they have ET-like fingers with mucous membranes on the tips that would be perfectly suited to mopping up the cheddary dust found at the bottom of the box.

“I still believe that any aliens we come in contact with will likely destroy us, but perhaps Cheez-Its could be our salvation.”

The award-winning physicist hypothesizes that if we convince our aliens overlords that only humans can bake the popular snack to perfection, they might allow us to survive as a semi-enslaved provider of Cheez-Its to the entire galaxy.

“No lifeform wants burnt Cheez-Its.”

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