Hillary Clinton Releases Plan To Keep Bill Occupied When She’s President

Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton
Not how it's going to be.

With the election only days away, the Clinton campaign has released a comprehensive 248-point plan detailing how Bill Clinton will be kept occupied once Hillary is President. The document originated when someone in the campaign tasked with watching Fox News for intelligence purposes became concerned that Bill Clinton planned to be a back seat driver if he ever got back into the White House. An internal debate ensued within the campaign with many arguing that it was not an important matter and certainly not one voters are particularly concerned about. Hillary herself then weighed in.

“There is one person who has good reason to be concerned about it. ME.”

Clinton’s worry is that, no matter how well-intentioned her husband Bill is, once he sets foot in the White House again his love of forging policy will overwhelm him if he ever becomes bored.

“My husband is a man possessed of exceptional intellectual – and in the past sometimes not-so-intellectual – appetites. No offense to the current and previous First Ladies, of which I was one, but the usual laundry list of activities is barely going to occupy a fraction of his mind.

Not feeling overly confident that her youngish campaign staff would know where to begin, Hillary drew up a quick list of ideas to get them started:

– Grandkid stuff (as much as possible – Chelsea’s onboard)
– Philanthropy (inc. lots of Third World stuff)
– Golfing with world leaders (but only when I’m double-booked)
– Hanging with George W (I know, but he likes the guy!)
– Netflix (try to limit House of Cards though LOL)
– Lots of cookouts (he’s vegan now but still enjoys playing grill master)
– Get him in a band (he plays sax)
– Crossword puzzles (he loves them so leave them *everywhere*)
– Sports pools (march madness, fantasy football, even foreign e.g. Premier League)

These were developed into the detailed 248-point playbook for keeping the First Gentleman busy. Staffers even came up with some other ideas, including one called “Hail Mary Diplomacy”. Hillary objected at first until it became clear that only laughably hopeless missions that no serious president would consider undertaking were involved. Hillary wholeheartedly approved.

If anyone can sweet talk Kim Jung-on and the rest of the North Korean leadership into stepping down because that’s the nice thing to do it’s ma Bill.”

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