In the latest shocker of a stormy election season, Hillary Clinton has declined her party’s nomination to be the next President of the United States.
“This is great and everything, but nah. Don’t think so.”
Instead of the acceptance speech they were expecting, the audience was treated to some offhand remarks by a very relaxed Clinton holding a pina colada.
“Maybe eight years ago I’d have said yes but this time it was more about showing I could have been POTUS if I wanted – mainly to shut Bill up.”
Clinton says she knows exactly what she’s passing on and feels good about her decision which won’t change.
“I’ve had lots of opportunity to see what being President entails and it’s kind of exhausting. So thanks but no thanks.”
Clinton brushed off complaints that she was leaving the party in the lurch, saying there were plenty of others who could take her place.
“You could give it to Bernie – he seems to really want it – or Elizabeth if that glass ceiling thing is so important to you. Whatever – not my problem.”
Clinton then skipped off the stage saying something about there being a beach chair in the Caribbean with her name on it.