HOOTERS Launches New Spin-Off Restaurant Chain Called BALLS

The restaurant chain HOOTERS – known for it chicken wings and breast meat – has announced the launch of a new spin-off restaurant chain as part of its drive to put its sexist past behind it.

Called BALLS, the casual dining chain will feature male servers dressed in 80s inspired spandex bike pants and high-waisted gym shorts.

Though touted as a place for ladies to have fun, one thing that will not be condoned is handling or otherwise making contact with servers’ balls according to BALLS CEO Desirée LaCroix.

“If you’re a regular you may get away with an ass pat but the balls are strictly off limits. Unless it’s our slow cooked crockpot meatballs lathered in our signature BBQ sauce. Those you can lick and fondle all you want.”

The launch of the new chain was made easier by the possibility to repurpose much of the existing HOOTERS artwork, given the common theme of oversized round things associated with good times.

“For example our iconic owl with the two big bulging eyes works as well for BALLS and it does for HOOTERS once you turn it upside down.”

Those looking to work at BALLS need not worry about experiencing discrimination, though there will be one very specific requirement.

“Let’s just say Hitler wouldn’t get hired here.”

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