Collapsing infrastructure across the county has had to be gently informed that the National Emergency declared be President Trump was not in fact intended to help it out.

“Sadly, crumbling bridges and polluted water supplies everywhere simply assumed it was for them.”

Already downtrodden infrastructure was left in an even more pathetic state after making the mistake, only to feel foolish afterwards for thinking it was cared about.

“The national highway system is taking it particularly badly.”

It only got worse when it became clear just how much money was being made available, and what it would be spent on.

“Someone should tell that shiny new border wall that one day it too will be falling apart and forgotten, just like me.”