In a highly unusual meterological event, a level 3 hurricane named Ophelia is set to hit the Emerald Isle, leading to intense concern that a visit by President Trump may be imminent.
“He went to Puerto Rico after one, and, though it’s part of the United States, I’m not sure he knows that – so I fear he may here too.”
With U.S. Presidents historically eager to visit Ireland on the barest of pretexts, everyone is fortifying themselves in case the Trump train comes to town.
“I’ve boarded up all the windows and gotten myself some noise-cancelling headphones, just in case he holds a rally outside.”
If he is determined to visit, which the modest Irish military would be helpless to oppose, Trump has been warned to tone it down.
“Having that orange-haired gobshite lobbing bog rolls at me better not be in my future.”