(Acre, Brazil) As more and more countries reveal that President Trump pressured them to intervene in domestic US politics to his advantage, there was major anthropological news today as an isolated tribe – hitherto believed to be uncontacted – asked to speak with the wider world.
“It sounded urgent.”
Fearing the remote insulated community located deep in the Amazon rainforest was experiencing a catastrophic medical emergency, authorities responded only to learn the tribe just wants President Trump to stop urging them to dig up dirt on big-shot Democrats.
“We don’t even know what a Biden is? Dirt? Yes.”
They were particularly distraught when son Eric Trump repeatedly appeared in their rudimentary dwellings asking if they had anything on Adam Schiff.
“We were terrified by his appearance and the fact he may harbor deadly diseases we have no immunity to – but mainly his appearance.”
When informed who Biden was – and what elections were – the hunter-gatherers said they would not say a bad word against him.
“But don’t take that as an endorsement – we’re Team Warren all the way down here.”