After decades of seemingly unsolvable conflict, the Israelis and the Palestinians have come to a surprise permanent peace agreement.

The historic accord was reached when leaders Bibi Netanyahu and Mahmoud Abbas realized they and the people they represented would keep having to meet with White House advisor and Presidential son-in-law Jared Kushner as long as there wasn’t peace in the Middle East.

Netanyahu described how Kushner provided the inspiration he needed to make historic concessions on the need for security guarantees.

“The way he stands there all preppy looking at you without speaking is more unnerving than fears of incoming Hamas rockets. The only thing worse would be if he did speak.”

For his part Abbas said he was much more relaxed these days about new settlements in contested areas.

“As long as we can keep the West Bank Kushner-free, we can live with a few Zionists.”

Last minute concerns by both sides about the final details were brushed aside when a rumor spread that Stephen Miller might turn up to help out.

“We all became remarkably focused at that point.”