Italy Bans UBER In Bid To Preserve National Identity Of Never Being On Time

(Rome) A Italian judge has handed down a decision that bans UBER from operating anywhere in the country. The ride-sharing service intends to appeal, but this is considered a major blow.

Though it was assumed the reason was due to UBER’s anti-union bias and poor employment practices, a careful reading of the judgement reveals a far deeper reason that cuts deep into the national identity.

“UBER seems far too focused on getting people from A to B as efficiently as possible to ever be allowed to operate in the Republic of Italy.”

Another objection was the UBER’s widespread use of technology to provide accurate directions without the need for expressive arguments.

“How are people supposed to not know where they are going if they have a GPS? The whole point of taking a taxi in Italy is to enjoy watching your driver ask another local for directions and then get in a loud testy confrontation.”

Though UBER will seek to have the judgement overturned, legal experts say the argument that UBER could destroy Italians hard-earned reputation of always being late is watertight.

“Everything about this company is offensive to our culture. Now let’s recess for five hours so I can enjoy an espresso.”

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