The world’s richest person, Jeff Bezos, has bought up the entire world’s supply of cough drops, which will now only be available through Amazon under strict conditions.
“Jeff does not want a single sore throat that could be within earshot of President Trump to be soothed.”
Those buying them on Amazon will have to sign a pledge stating they will not use them to stifle a cough that might annoy the President.
“Any orders from zipcodes in the DC area will be rejected, obviously.”
Hopes that Ricola’s might be more freely available were dashed when the European cough drop maker learned about Trump’s aversion to anyone making throat noises in his presence.
“They stopped production immediately.”
In related news, Nancy Pelosi has reportedly taken up smoking and drinking neat whiskey, and performing a lounge act in a very low register for hours at a time.
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