Jeff Bezos Preemptively Litters Amazon With Naked Photos Of Himself

Saying he would never allow himself to be in a position where he could be blackmailed, Jeff Bezos has released hundreds of naked photos of himself to be displayed all over the website.

“There isn’t a square inch of me not available to see on Amazon right now.”

Bezos encouraged people to share them far and wide, meaning any photos the National Enquirer has of him are now worthless.

“Whatever embarrassing naked pictures of me my enemies may possess, I have already released far more cringe-worthy ones by choice.”

On the principle that a good offence is the best defense, Bezos says he plans to reveal increasingly personal and kinky photos of himself engaged in all kinds of intimate activities, to ensure he will never be subjectable to pressure by others.

“If you think you have any secret dirt on me, know that 100 million Prime members have it also, and much much worse.”

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