Jesus Postpones Resurrection Indefinitely “I’m sheltering in place, and so should you”

Said he was unwilling to violate stay-at-home orders to help combat the spread of the novel coronavirus, the Son of Man has decided not to be resurrected this Easter Sunday.

“It’s the right thing to do.”

He added that he was disappointed by those who criticized his decision, saying they were not thinking through the logical consequences of such an action

“Ascending to visit with my elderly parents is a terrible idea right now, unless of course it’s to bring them essential supplies and medicine. Fortunately Heaven is well stocked.”

Asked how he was faring, Jesus said he was doing ‘okay’.

“I have plenty of food and toilet paper in the cave so it’s time for this deity to settle down and finally catch The Wire on HBO while we all wait this thing out.”

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