Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has announced he is writing a brutally honest account of his time on Earth, to be published in Amazon’s Kindle store under the title ‘Walking on Water’. The Lamb of God said he was inspired to pen his autobiography after realizing how interested people still were over two-thousand years after it all happened.

“Everyone was cashing in on my lifestory except me!”

Jesus says everyone should forget the Gospels by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and read his riveting first-hand account instead.

“They didn’t even use my best parables.”

Not everyone is happy about the new book however.

“My dad isn’t pleased with what I say about him towards the end, but he did leave me to die on a Cross. You don’t forget something like that!”

In related news, Judas Iscasiot is rumored to be coming out with a new book ‘Wasn’t Me’.