With Easter ceremonies about to take place in churches across the country, Jesus Christ said today he couldn’t keep quiet any longer about this tasteless tradition of celebrating one of the worst times in his life.

“I was nailed to a cross. My dad disowned me. Glad you find it so entertaining.”

Though on the surface a happy occasion in which kids hunt for eggs, Jesus says for him Easter is about being stuck in the side repeatedly with a Roman spear.

“Not fun, I might add.”

Jesus is especially unhappy at the way people use the anniversary of what was a very painful time as an excuse to gorge on chocolate.

“I love Sarris candies and you’re ruining them for me by association.”

He added he has no problems with people celebrating his birthday, however.

“That’s pretty cool how you all still do that.”