Speaking to fellow Democrats today, Senator Joe Manchin said he was opposed to any further measures to vaccinate Americans against COVID until a proper broad consensus has been reached.

“I do not believe the current progressive plans being considered have the backing of a certain pathogen who has a vested interest in this legislation.”

Critics of Manchin point out that, as a viral entity and exists purely to hijack living cells and replicate itself endlessly, the novel Coronavirus is unlikely to agree to any effective vaccination strategy which would by definition oppose that aim. But the senior senator from West Virginia said bipartisanship support is essential.

“It is important that not just Republicans and Democrats, but all organisms involved in the global pandemic back this plan, and that includes the novel Coronavirus.”

Asked what its position was, the novel Coronavirus said it was not opposed to giving millions of Americans immunity, but the best was to do that by infecting everyone and giving them COVID.

“Hopefully Joe can convince Biden and the rest of the reasonableness of my plan in which anyone who survives my assault on their body will have some protection.”

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