Joel Osteen In Shock After Being Fired By Jesus

Image credit: 'Joel Osteen preaching' by RobertMWorsham via Commons license CC BY-SA 4.0.

Joel Osteen is said to be in shock today after being hit with a Cease And Desist order by the Lord Our Saviour, which prevents him from collecting money from the public in the name of Jesus Christ or any of his many pseudonyms.

“You can still collect money in your own personal capacity, but you must make clear donations are solely to enrich Joel Osteen.”

Jesus claims he only became aware Osteen was working for him when he saw a press release for “Jesus: A Life”, a series Osteen created jointly with the History Channel.

“Having reviewed Osteen’s work record, I have concluded he is not the type of person I want in my employ.”

Jesus cited a number of issues with Osteen performance, including financial irregularities, lack of evidence of good works, and damaging the Jesus brand through his actions.

“Fortunately he resides in an ‘at will’ state so terminating him was easy.”

5 Comments on "Joel Osteen In Shock After Being Fired By Jesus"

  1. Debbie Burroughs | May 18, 2019 at 7:42 pm | Reply

    When I never heard him preach the gospel or the plan of salvation I had no use for him.

  2. I knew God was going to get him. All you have to do is follow his career and see how his income rose to the point of lavish estates, grandiose vacations, designer wardrobe for his exceptionally rude wife. I really hope he learns from this, humbles himself before the Lord and if he is genuine, he’ll be forgiven.

    • Well…I have my issues with Osteen, but you are not entirely correct about his finances. For most of his early ministry – even when he took over an old football stadium that seated ~18,000 – he lived in the same house he had bought with his wife, drive the same basic car, etc. The money that allowed him to buy his estate, better car, designer clothes, etc. came entirely from book residuals once he became a published author: they had nothing to do with Lakewood Church. And frankly, it’s his right to do with that money what he wishes, and good for him. What you don’t add here is that Lakewood and Osteen donate tens of millions of dollars per year to charity, run the two largest soup kitchens in Houston, and provide funding for one or two homeless shelters. So let’s at least be accurate if we can’t be charitable.

  3. Use to watch him EVERY week years ago. UNTIL I found out he was a fraud and ALL for money Christian.

  4. Daniel Eaves | March 17, 2019 at 1:19 pm | Reply

    Love the ‘at will’ employment line.

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