John Delaney Declares 2020 Victory After Lasting Longer Than Someone People Have Heard Of

The headquarters for the 2020 Presidential Campaign of Maryland politican Jon Delaney delcared victory in the race for the White House tonoght after learning that Beto O’ Rourke had abandoned his bid earlier in the day.

“Beto’s out and I’m still in. What a victory!”

Delaney tanked his staff and supporters, all of whom were present at the Super 8 conference room where the celebration was held, for making his dream come true.

“When we started this I didn’t really believe I would be standing here still in this race while someone with more than 73 twitter followers had quit already – but here we are.”

Asked what he planned to do next, Delaney said he was setting his sights even higher now that he achieved everything he set out to do in his political life.

“I hear you can get on the longlist for a Pulitzer prize if someone submits your name together with the $50 filing fee so I can’t wait to see how far I progress in that before getting cut.”

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