Kim Jong-un To Deliver Trump’s Christmas Present Via Intercontinental Ballistic Missile

Officials have warned that Kim Jong-un is testing a ballistic missile capable of reaching the continental United States over the holiday period. However the North Korean leader has confirmed that the launch is nothing to do with developing his nation’s offensive capability, and everything to do with showing his love for his American counterpart.

“I’m using it to send you your Christmas present, Dotard!”

Kim explained that his country’s version of Fedex is a basketcase and this was the only way of getting his handpicked gift to Trump in time.

“Sure I could have ordered something on Amazon and had them drop-ship it to you from one of their North American warehouses, but that’s so impersonal. Plus a Prime membership now costs $119 – ouch!”

Asked what the gift was, Kim said it was a surprise.

“I got you the same thing I got my brother! Only joking – it’s not nerve agent, I promise!”

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