Speaking through his attorney today, accused murderer Kyle Rittenhouse said that, given his present legal problems, dating is difficult so the use of a professional to provide him with a steady supply of young girls is very appealing.
“My client is seeking to have someone transport potential sex partners across state lines to service him given his present circumstance.”
Reached for comment, Rittenhouse said he already has someone in mind – Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz.
“I wouldn’t want to go with some unknown, so the fact that Matt has a proven track record in this area is very appealing.”
Though Rittenhouse said he has access to cash from his many wealthy right wing supporters to pay Gaetz, he is keen to engage in a trade of services instead.
“I hear he’s interested in me as an intern, and should he need some pesky protesters gotten rid of, I’m good for that too.”
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